End of the semester

So it is the end of the semester- man it just flew by!

The last couple of weeks have just been devoted to trying to finish up the pieces i've been working on and getting together all my thoughts and ideas for the December critic. I can't believe it is already midway through december! Crazy. Anyway I have a lot of work to do to get everything accomplished that I want to get done by April. I am looking forward to this break to have time to think about the next four lockets that I want to make and write out, in detail, the memories that I will be portraying. During critic today, it was brought to my attention that it would be nice to have the memories behind each piece written out and displayed with the piece so that viewers can read the anecdote that goes along with them. So my goal over break, besides writing my thesis, is to write out and get a fairly finished version of the memories to display to the public. In the meantime, here are some photos of my completed pieces, and one in progress. The smells that correspond are garlic bread, olives, curry and grass respectively-

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. It has been crazy week working on the project and then Thanksgiving. (hope everyone had a great thanksgiving by the way). Not much has changed in the way of my ideas for the final project, mostly I have just been working, trying to finish my first two lockets and beginning two more. This week I was able to finish two lockets except for the smells. The brick locket that I have been working on finally came together with the brick inlay and a liver of sulfur patina. The patina provider the little something extra that I have been looking for. The indian spice bowl ring is my favorite so far (at least as a piece of jewelry). The color that the spices provided give the piece a fun, sophisticated feel and although the piece is big for a ring, it is a good size a provides the wearer an interesting way to interact with viewers. I started talking with the GSIs this week about how each piece is going to function as a way for people to interact and what kind of situations people will be placed in in order to share the smell experience. I have not quite mastered the smells yet... I am having a bit of difficulty with the grass smell for the brick piece, but I am still working with it. I will try to post photos within the next week or so.

Studio time- 11/9-11/11

This week I have been working on trying to finish my second locket, the brick locket, and have begun making my third one, based on the memory from the indian restaurant. I am almost completely done with the brick locket except for the patina and setting the hinge permanently. I have been experimenting with developing the right smell for it and have come up with something close, but it needs to be stronger. I discovered when making the wax for the smell that I can use grass blades and the wax seals them so that I may be able to just fill the locket with the concoction and hopefully have the smell last for a longer amount of time. The 3rd locket that I am doing- the Indian spices is going to be in the shape of 4 bowls each containing a separate spice with one "opening up" and containing the smell of curry powder. I am making this locket into a ring. I am excited to see the end product for this one because of the bright colors that will be obtained through setting spices in the bowls with epoxy.

I have discovered that people are responding to the idea of containing smells inside the lockets much more than previous ideas and am very excited. I am having so much fun mixing them, although if I make too many at once I start to get a headache from the melting wax. I can't wait to see if this idea will play out the way that I want it to.

A complete picture?

I've realized that my blog is supposed to allow people to get to know me, but so far I have only been posting about positive memories and good times in my life. Yet, no one's life is perfect and in order to really get to know someone you have to be shown all sides, right? It is really hard for me to make some of my memories public, but that is what I am trying to explore in my project so I mine as well go for it and share some of the darker memories that shape who I am, as well as some of the good ones. I am not sure if I will be able to make pieces out of some of the darker memories, but at least writing about them is a start. This next post is going to be quite lengthy and is much about me venting my issues out on paper, so don't feel like you have to read. It is a hard post for me to publish because I am scared of who might read this and be affected or hurt by it, but I am hoping that those people will understand. So here it goes:

Have you ever felt so consumed by fear for someone that it makes it hard to breathe? You can’t think about anything else except that person and their issues. You feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with them, trying to make them better, but at the same time wanting to live your life. You feel guilty for wanting to live your life instead of taking care of them. Especially when they have given so much to you, dedicated most of their life you making yours better.

Almost a year ago, my mother slipped into a severe depression and has still not come out of it. I am not sure what exactly triggered it, but she began slipping right after Thanksgiving 2008. It was the first year that we attempted to celebrate a holiday with the entire family since my parents divorce. All of us kids, my mom, dad, and his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife. The holiday seemed to be going well, everyone was getting along, dinner was fantastic, Kathy and mom were talking, being civil with one another, and best of all, we were able to spend the holiday with the whole family, not feeling bad about leaving one of our parents out. Everything was great until Saturday night when Dad and Kathy gave us kids our Christmas presents. They were living in Singapore at the time and we were not sure when or if we were all going to be together before Christmas, so we did presents then. Since the divorce, my mother has been worried about money. Being a nurse she doesn’t make that much and it was hard for her to go from living off of my father’s salary as a pilot and getting to travel freely around the world to living primarily off of a nurses salary although she was getting some compensation from my dad. Dad and Kathy on the other hand took a turn in the opposite direction financially, as Kathy working all her life for IBM was a head executive. Our presents that year were fairly extravagant and mom just seemed to break, becoming with consumed with the idea that she could no longer provide for us in the way in which my father and Kathy could. Of course we tried to console her, telling her that money and material things are not what is important to us but she just couldn’t get the idea out of her head. She seemed to be doing better the next day and I didn’t think too much of it when we all left my sister’s house after the holiday weekend.

It wasn’t until Christmas break, driving back to Atlanta from Ann Arbor, Michigan, that the reality of the situation really came into clear view for me. As I was driving home, Luke called me and asked if there was anyway that I could fly mom out to Arizona in the next 2 days. Apparently our mother was having thoughts of suicide and her therapist had recommended taking her to a rehabilitation center. After doing some research, Michelle, Luke, and I decided that the place in Arizona was the way to go. So in two days I had to make plans to take mom to Phoenix Arizona, pack everything she would need as she was unable to function, make plans to stay in a hotel myself while putting up the front that the place I was taking her to had accommodations for me, and get her to the airport and on a plane with me. It was one of the hardest moments of my life, seeing my mother like a young child, unable to function correctly and take care of herself. She was so scared, always crying and shaking and it took everything I had to put on a brave face and tell her that this place was the best thing for her. It would only be a few weeks, and they would help her get back to her old functioning self. Leaving her at that place was awful and heart wrenching. It was night, a terrible time to leave her since she was scared to be alone at night, but the place thought that it would be too dangerous to waste anymore time getting her situated. Leaving her was like trying to leave a little kid on the first day of preschool, the first time they have ever been apart from you in a public setting. I wanted to cry so badly, but I knew that I had to be strong for her. Finally she left and entered the facility and the driver took me to my hotel. I think I slept for about three hours last night while I thought about my mom and how scared she must be, wondering if we did the right thing and feeling guilty for pressuring her into going. I also began to feel guilty about Thanksgiving, thinking that she could handle being around my father and Kathy and be ok. Of course it is silly to think that it is my fault; I didn’t know about her history with depression, but I felt responsible anyway. I couldn’t help feeling guilty and mad at myself for not knowing and not taking the time to really think it through. I was just thinking about how much easier it would be for me to have both of my parents there and how nice it would be for us kids for our parents to get along. There would be no more split holidays, missing the other parent during Christmas or Thanksgiving even though we knew that the holidays were split equally. I felt so selfish, lying there in that hotel room, but the worst part was that I was also thinking of how her depression was going to affect me and our plans for the holidays and near future. I felt sick about that fact that I felt sorry for myself, but I couldn’t help it.

I wanted mom to be healthy and happy, the mom I always remembered before the divorce. She was always the strong one when I was in pain. She was my crutch when I was having problems with my arthritis, my comforter, the one I could go to just to cry or when I needed to be taken care of and to feel loved. She always knew how to make things better for me. Always knew when to let me figure things out on my own, push me to be better, encourage my goals and dreams, and be there to catch me when I failed at something or was having a hard time. She gave me so much, was the best mom anyone could ever ask for and now she was falling apart, breaking down because I failed to see the signs of any distress in her life that would cause her real pain. Our family had been her whole life for so long and then my dad left, Bud went of to boarding school and then to live with my dad in Singapore before going off to college, I had left for college, Michelle and Luke were already living their own lives as a lawyer in DC and a pilot and husband in Virginia and then Florida, her sister was diagnosed with cancer, my granddaddy, and her father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, and it was just all piling up until it just buried her and none of us could stop it.

What do you do when something like that happens? Do you stop everything and go to her aid? Yeah you can and we did, but we can only stop the tracks in our own lives for so long and be devoted to her constantly for only so long. Eventually we have to continue living our lives. Yes, you try to do everything you can to help her and get her back on her feet, but there is only so much you can do. Isn’t there? I wanted to be with her, I took control and brought her to the rehabilitation center, I spent time with her, wrote her letters, but I had been planning to study abroad in Florence for the semester and I had a plan ticket and had paid to start school in Italy at the beginning of January. I want to say that I contemplated for a long time about not going and staying to help my mom, but I really didn’t. I toyed with the idea, but I don’t think I was ever really going to not go to Italy. In the long run, I am glad that I went. It was a great experience and I think mom did well enough on her own and then with my sister and brother. She was always in the back of my mind though. Every night I would wonder about what she was thinking, what she was doing, if she was able to get out of bed and take a shower by herself. I worried if she ate at all, if she was doing healthy activities. I began to think that we had switched roles; that I had turned into the worrying mother and her, the child that needed taking care of, but I still needed her as my mother and it was hard for me to be that role for so long.

Florence was a blast and it was easy for me to get sidetrack, being so far away from home, and not think so much about the problems going on at home. There was so much to do, from going to art museums to traveling the countryside, to exploring the nightlife and devouring all the delicious food. I began getting excited about my little nephew Cooper coming into the world, and my worries about my mom, although still there, started to dissipate for a little while. When I finally came home in April though, I realized how little my mom had progressed since the last time I had seen her. Yes she was getting out of bed, getting in the shower, eating meals, cleaning; doing everything that is customary and basic to living life, but she wasn’t living, not really. I noticed that no matter what we did, mom never seemed to get much enjoyment out of it. We would go out to eat, but she would worry about the money. We would make dinner at home and she would feel inadequate about making a meal that was delicious or worry too much about the clean up afterwards. She did seem to do much better when she was around Cooper, but it wasn’t the same mom, the same enjoyment she would have gotten out of holding him or watching him sleep that she would have without the depression. She had always been so engrossed in babies and so excited to see one just be, and although she did perk up a little when she was around her grandson, she still wasn’t herself. It was very hard to see her like this. Her depression stated to wear me down. I felt that I always had to be perky around her and try to engage her and get her excited about doing little every day things, but it became such a chore to be happy all the time just because I felt like I would make her worse if I showed any sign of being unhappy or stressed. I felt bad because sometimes that was all I wanted, to feel sad and have her comfort me instead of the other way around. I know that she had been that comforter for me all my life and it was only fair that I be that person for her, but I wanted my old mommy back. I would never tell her this, but it makes me so sad and upset to think about her in this stage. I get angry with her when she gets upset about little things and when she feels like she isn’t worth anything. I want to scream at her sometimes just to make her realize how much she means to me and to all of the people that know her; to make her really listen to how valuable she it to so many people, but she won’t listen. I know it is part of the disease to feel worthless and unworthy but it makes me so made when she says things like “I don’t deserve to be your mother,” or “I am worthless and should just die.” “NOOOOO!!!!!” How can you say that! How can you be little yourself so much when we are trying so so hard to make you feel worthwhile again? How can you say that you don’t deserve to be our mother when all we want is you to be our mother? I think I get so mad because I am such a strong willed person and have pushed myself to accomplish more than I should have been able to according to doctors. I get so angry at her when I think of how hard I have had to work to get to where I am and how much she contributed to me making it and how little she thinks of herself and what she can accomplish. She was the one who made me believe that anything was possible and to not settle for anything less because other people are putting limits on you. Yet, she is the one putting limits on herself! She has so many opportunities, so many good things going for her, but she can’t seem to find the will to accomplish or want to do anything. I know it is not her, but her disease, yet I still just wish that one day I will wake up and it would all have disappeared. That somehow the doctor will find some miracle pill and my mom will be back again. I don’t think that I am naïve in wishing and hoping that she will one day get better, but it is taking so long that it is starting to wear down my hopes. I will not give up though. I know she will recover whether it is five weeks from now, five months, or five years. One day she will get there and I will be so ecstatic when she does.

Trying to take it a step further

This past week I have been trying to think of ways that would make my project better, take it to the next level. I have really been focusing on the interior of the lockets and how I can expand the "contained". I really like the direction that the lockets are going with respect to the forms they are taking based on the memories, but the inside has continued to lack. But I think I have come up with something that I will really enjoy and hopefully add to each piece. I want to contain smell. Smell for me is such and intense mnumonic devise. It is amazing how one simple smell can transport me back to the past. So at this moment, I am researching how I can make my own "perfumes" or fragrances and contain them in my lockets. After researching for quite a while on monday, I found a fairly simple recipe that I am hoping will work- mixing jojoba oil, beeswax, and the fragrance, in order to produce a lip balm texture perfume. I hope to start experimenting with the smell of freshly cut grass this next week to be placed inside the locket based on the memory of my grandfather teaching me how to parallel park with a lawn mower, and if it works, proceed with the rest. If not- it's back to the research, but I am really excited about this smell component and hope that it will work out.

memory 11- 10/28/09

Our family lived on a "farm" in San Louis Obispo, California. And on that farm we owned a fig tree, e i e i o -just kidding- but we really did have a fig tree, and an orchard, and cattle, and horses. The figs were one of my favorite fruits that we grew but every week Uncle Ernie would come out, pick a tomato, pour salt and pepper on it which he carried in his pocket all the time, eat it like an apple, and then proceed to pick almost all of the fruit we had to sell at the farmers market. One day, Bud and I decided that he was not going to take the figs that we loved so much and sell them, so we had to get to them first. Being four and five respectively, we really did not think out our plan to well, but we thought it sounded brilliant. The morning that Uncle Ernie was coming over to pick the fruit, Bud and I got up, ran to the tree, climbed up, and proceeded to eat every single fig on the tree- just so Uncle Ernie couldn't take them. Why we didn't just pick them and hide them, I have no idea. We thought we were so cool that we out smarted our Grandpa's brother. It was not until later that day that we received our punishment. We got so sick we couldn't play for an entire day. Needless to say, we never tried to stop Uncle Ernie again.

memory 10- 10/28/09

The first time I have ever eaten Indian food was with Michelle in D.C. One night Michelle took me, mom and Wes to an upscale Indian Restaurant in the center of the city. I remember the restaurant being filled with light and warm colors- oranges, browns, reds, yellows. The whole place smelt of curry spice (a smell I like, but I taste I have not yet come to fully enjoy). We sat upstairs at a square table- Michelle was sitting next to me on my left hand side. Michelle ordered for us. I remember everything I put in my mouth had such a unique and distinct flavor, most of which I enjoyed thoroughly. At one point Michelle and I decided to venture out and try the congealed green stuff in the center of the table- bad idea! I thought I was going to vomit the moment I bit down on a piece of chili. The taste was awful and bitter and just wouldn't get out of my mouth. Michelle seemed to be having the same experience. We both downed our water, stuffed Naan into our mouths and ordered a second basket, the whole time we were cracking up but at the same time wanting to cry the taste was so horrific. Come to find out later, you are not supposed to eat the chilies within the mixture. Apparently you can eat the stuff that they are in, but not the chilies. Thank goodness that experience didn't turn me off of Indian food, I love it too much, but it was quite a horrendous experience.

memory 9- 10/28/09

My 1st Georgia Tech Game-

We were at Grandmother's and Granddaddy's house in Atlanta. I remember Bud and I were there with Mom and Dad who had dressed us up from head to toe in Georgia Tech gear. I remember being in the "blue" living room throwing around a football and Dad was teaching us the Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech song so that we would be prepared for the football game. It was homecoming- Mom and Dad took us to Dad's fraternity house where we met a few of his old friends from college. I remember the place smelling like stale beer. I was so excited for the day. Before the game, we watched the homecoming parade- huge floats came down the street that the students of Georgia Tech had engineered. Some of them were great, but I mostly remember laughing as Dad told us how most of the floats collapse before the end and recalling his days as a Yellow Jacket. I don't remember much about the actual game, but I do remember how much fun I had that day, all dressed up for Georgia Tech's big day and getting to spend the entire day with Mom, Dad and Bud.

memory 8- 10/28/09

San Louis Obispo, California is full of memories at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I remember going to Grandma's every day after school in kindergarten and 1st grade. I would ride the bus home with this girl Ursula and Grandma would meet me at the bus stop and walk me back to the trailer home. It always smelt so good in the house. We would walk up the stairs on the car port side and through the sliding glass doors. I would sit in the chair near the "laundry room" to take off my shoes and then get up on the stool by the counter while grandma made me either garlic bread (usually my choice) or toast- half with only butter, the other half with butter and boysenberry jam. Every once and a while I would get a special treat or cream cheese and chutney with wheat thins. I always remember sitting up there as grandma asked about my day and made me my after school snack. There was a picture of mom and the four of us kids on the wall next to the counter in black and white that I always loved looking at. After my snack I would watch tv, usually Winnie the Pooh or a recording of Peter Rabbit series. If Bud and I were being really good, sometimes grandma would bring us popcorn with m&ms in it. That always made me happy. To this day I still like popcorn with m&ms, or some form of chocolate but the garlic bread is still my favorite. Grandma was always so good to us and though we were always happy to see mom's car drive up, I always took comfort in knowing that tomorrow would be another day filled with grandma's special afternoon snacks.

1st locket

please disregard the pin coming out of the hinge... this was the last picture i took before I turned this in for a project- the complete finished version looks like this but without the pin sticking out.

continuing the work process

Their is something to be said about just simply producing work. Over the last month or so I have been so caught up in trying to produce a good idea and trying to fit the idea into the type of work that I do/ want to do that I have been stunted in my progress. So this past week I have spent most of my studio time just simply creating. Working with metals is such a long a tedious process that you really have time to think about what you are making and what it means as you make it. I've continued to work on my second locket and have begun sketching out more ideas for future lockets, the forms of which are inspired by the memories. I have decided that I really enjoy doing work in this manner much more than writing out tons of ideas and trying to fit and idea into a piece. It is better, and easier for me to work, produce something with a simple idea in mind, and then let the piece speak for itself and come up with a more in-depth meaning and concept behind the pieces. I have found this week that I am more of a retrospective person- I don't realize my concepts until the pieces are finished and I can see the concept I had buried in them come to the surface. So although I have not been posting quite as much recently, I have been doing much more physical work and I believe my IP is starting to move along in a good direction that I am enjoying. So for now... writing more memories, sketching locket ideas based on them, and beginning the process of making these lockets- this is what I am doing at this point in the semester.

IP Proposal 1

Annie Garcia

IP proposal 10/10/09

What is the role of a locket? This is the basis for my Integrative Project, exploring the roles of what a locket is and the purpose of its various parts. Traditionally, lockets have been made for the wearer to place an object or picture of importance to them. The locket itself is usually a very universal object, shaped and designed for anyone with not much of a hint to what it is inside. Why? Is this because the locket is supposed to be a personal object, only showing the public the importance of it with the permission of the owner? And if this is the case, is there relevance to how long the chain is? Keeping the locket out of sight to the external viewers? My goal is to explore these questions and reverse the conceptual roles of the various aspects of the locket. I want to make a series of lockets that “contain” the memory on the outside and have the inside leave the viewer in question. I want the lockets to be positioned on the body so that they are easily viewed by the public instead of being hidden- playing on the idea of letting people in on our memories instead of keeping them secret or “locked-up” inside a locket.

I plan on presenting my collection of pieces in a gallery. I would like to display each piece in a way that invites the viewer to interact and become “acquainted” with the piece instead of hiding them behind display cases.

With unlimited time and money, I would potentially love to create a huge collection of “memory lockets for the public” based on important memories of people from all over, inviting people to learn more about the people around them. I want each piece to be “precious” and well crafted, showing respect and providing value to the memories presented, which I feel would be hard to realize within a week and with no money. With the funds that I have and the time provided, I believe that I can accomplish a reasonable number of lockets that are well crafted and of a certain value. At the moment I have finished one piece and am in the process of making a second, but as my idea develops and as I collect the memories, I hope to accomplish making at least 2 lockets a month, finishing close to 15-20 lockets by the end of the year. I know it is a big goal, but I believe that as I start to develop the pieces my skills with improve and I will be able to create at a faster and more efficient pace. I hope by November to have a collection of the memories that I plan on using and by mid November at least a sketch for each one. I have been contemplating whether or not I should just use my own memories and make this about opening up myself to the “public” or using other’s memories and trying to create a “community” of opened selves. I am interested in both approaches and both present different challenges. If I limit myself to my own memories, I will be more prone to limiting my pieces and not realizing my goal of presenting memories to the public in a comprehensible way, but I have a better understanding of my own. Using others’ memories I would be relying on others to open themselves up to me and provide me with a launching point for my piece. This would require much more research into the lives of the public, but could potentially be a lot more interesting.

New idea

Ok, new idea. Still dealing with lockets but after talking to Endi, I realized that I am more interested in the role of a locket than the whole memory thing. I’m still interested in the memories and believe them to be important to my project, but I want the main focus to be on the lockets themselves.

So what is a locket? What are a locket's main purposes? When I looked up the definition of a locket, I got a fairly simplistic definition- a hinged container that has room to put something inside that is worn around the neck (either on a chain or necklace). After researching lockets for a while I found that most lockets are fairly mundane objects with no real insight to what it contains or what the memory is about that is inside. They are objects that at most have a very subtle hint to what they contain. The object inside usually gives a clearer picture, or at least a stronger reminder to the wearer of an experience, person, or special place. My idea is to reverse these roles. I want to create lockets that switch the role of the container and the contained, making the outside be the mnemonic device, and the inside be somewhat/ very limited in its relation to the memory at hand. I’m having a hard time deciding what should be inside though… I’ve contemplated blank sheets of paper, closed off interiors, interior with very small “insight” to the contained, view whole that shows part of the outside, or paper with a tiny hint to the memory.

During studio this week I have been sketching out ideas for lockets that would act as the “contained memory” and working on finishing my first locket. Pictures will be posted soon.

Memory 7- 10/2/09

Michelle has been my role model since before I can remember. When I was little I would copy everything she did and I still look to her as my example of how I want to live my life. I remember this one day, back when we still lived in our first house in Florida, when Michelle decided to teach me a dance routine that she made up. I remember being in such awe of her creativity and tried my hardest to do every move that she did. I'm sure we looked silly, but I had so much fun. I still remember my favorite move from that day- we started laying down on our backs and then lifted our legs in the air and balancing our hips on our hands so that our body weight was all on our upper back and forearms. We began bending one leg at a time- kicking to the sound of the music. We started laughing because we were being so serious and fell over. Eventually we did our routine for Mom and Dad. I felt so grown up- performing with my older sister as if we were the same age. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful sister who spent so much time with me and never made me feel insignificant even though I am 8 years younger.

Memory 6- 10/2/09

Luke taught me how to Slalom Ski. We went out one late afternoon, just the two of us, to Key Waden's channels. There weren't very many other boats out. I remember being determined that I was going to get up on one ski. Luke was very patient with me, giving me tips without frustrating me- he has always been great at that. Knowing when to let me do things on my own and how much to push me. It took me about seven tries, but I finally got up and was able to ski for quite awhile, even as other boats' wakes came by. Luke was so excited for me and continued to let me ski until the sun started to set. I remember sitting in the passangers seat, flying on the way home and telling Luke that the experience I had just had was "more fun than going to Disney World." Luke just laughed and praised me for how fast I got up, promising to take me out again soon. :)

Memory 5- 10/2/09

It was a perfect summer night. The sky was clear, full of stars with a full moon. The beach was empty except for Aaron and I. We had decided to go swimming after spending a few hours on 5th Ave. at the Starbucks. We went and got our swimsuits and headed to the beach... It was probably about 1 in the morning. The water was warm, like taking a bath and the phosphorescence in the water lit up bright neon green when we moved through the water. We spent most of the night just talking and swimming in the warm water. Reminiscing about our pasts (we were childhood friends and had just reunited) and laughing about how we used to act, dress, ect. Eventually Aaron grabbed my hand, pulled me to him and we had our first kiss. He then drove me home as it was getting close to my curfew and promised to call me the following day. It was probably one of the most romantic days of my life thus far and led to a year-long relationship between us. I hope to never forget that night.

Memory 4- 10/2/09

Senior skip day- we were supposed to be at the beach, hanging out/ having fun with the whole senior class, but a storm came through and it started pouring. So after the ice cream, we all decided to go back to Chessie's house and get in the hot tub- Bree, Sarah Beck, Sara Fentimann, Kelly, Rachel, Chessie, and I. While sitting in the hot tub on the side of Chessie's house we came up with this brilliant idea to go get my family's inter tube which was just one street over, and inter tube through the streets of our neighborhood. It had rained so much that day that all the streets had flooded. So we got the tube, tied it to the back of my car and we inter tubed through the streets of Aqualine shores. It was one of the best days of my life, blaring music, getting swung around on the inter tube going about 5 miles per hour around the round-abouts. Unfortunately we rode the tune until it popped and was no longer usable, but we had so much fun. Turning a bad day at the beach to one of the most memorable days of high school.

Studio time week of Oct 1

So after talking with my group this week, I decided that it could be really interesting to incorporate the memories of my siblings of some of the events that I am recording. I find that many of our recollections vary drastically for the same event and could provide an interesting dynamic to my project. So half of the time I was in the studio I emailed my siblings about getting their recollections and writing my own. The other half was spent working on my first locket (based on a memory from the beach) which incorporates a shell collected from the beach at home in Naples, FL. My new memories are to follow....

Sourcing Inspiration: Introduction- response

This assignment was fairly hard for me because I'm interested in many of the options... it was hard to choose one over the other.

The first choice I would like to respond on is the fact that I am more inspired by interactions with humans than non humans. I find the human mind boggling and am very interested in the ideas of others. I love to people watch and see how everyone reacts to different situations. I like animals, but am not into them enough to really be inspired by them.

Pressure inspires me more than relaxation. I have found that people typically can do more than they think possible when forced by a little pressure, but many also crack. I am interested in the responses of people when pressure is laid upon them. I think some pressure is both necessary and beneficial to us. Relaxation is definitely necessary but does not produce as big a response in people.

Culture has always been of great interest and inspiration to me. I contribute this interest to my passion for travel and experiences in seeing other cultures and the way they live. Nature is fascinating, yes, but the culture of different parts of the world is so engaging. Seeing how different societies dress, eat, relate to each other and strangers. I guess you could just say that I am interested and derive inspiration from people.

I am not a big history person and therefore derive more inspiration from the present, but the past and present are related and I am interested in how the past affects the present. I am constantly drawn to the question of why we are who we are and why at each given point in time we are where we are and make the choices we make. How did we get here and where will we go from here? I believe it is important to live in the present and for the future and try not to let the failures of our past haunt us today (or live in the pride of past accomplishments- do something now!)

The unknown, or my unknown is of great inspiration to me. I love discovering new things in life and have a hard time staying in one place for too long. Part of the reason I love to travel so much is because I want to experience something new and unfamiliar to me and these new experiences are what guide me work. But at the same time, who is to say what is familiar and what is not. Staying in one place to me is not familiar, but that place is familiar so how do you distinguish between the 2?

Memory 3- 9/28/09

One of my favorite memories with my granddaddy (grandpa Fleming) is the time when he taught me how to parallel park. Grandmother was in the house fixing dinner while Bud, Granddaddy and I were outside playing. Bud was riding around in the little blue go-cart while I rode around on the lawn mower. Grandpa was laughing watching us race around and around the house since the lawn mower was so much slower than the go-cart. We were having fun, but I was getting kind of frustrated with the speed of the lawn mower. That's when I realized Granddaddy in the back stacking up two piles of bricks. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "teaching you how to parallel park." I got really excited then and continued to practice getting the lawn mower perfectly centered in between the piles of bricks with Granddaddy's instructions. Granddaddy was always the best at finding something fun for all of us grandkids to do that would teach us something valuable for our future. To this day I still do not have trouble parallel parking. I miss him.

Memory 2 9/28/09

We had just anchored our boat in the middle of Key Waden and were eating Salami, cheese, and crackers with spicy mustard and drinking gatorade. It was the perfect typical outing for us on a summery weekend. My best friend, Jenny, my two brothers, and my father and his girlfriend at the time were all on the boat (I can't remember if anyone else was there or not). We had been skurfing (surfing behind the boat) all morning and had come into Key Waden for a break- snacks, drinks, and a swim. We were all sitting on the front of the boat and Jenny was slicing up cheese for us when a bee started flying around her. She jumped up, the knife still in her hand, and was swatting at the bee while Luke, my older brother, and I were cracking up as my Dad was yelling to stop swinging the knife. Finally, the bee landed on Jenny and she flicked it off at the same time she threw the knife overboard. My dad was pissed, but only because he was afraid someone was going to get hurt. Jenny was bright red from embarrassment trying to apologize while telling us to stop laughing. Eventually we all calmed down and finished eating but we didn't stop talking about the incident for days.

Memory 1- 9/28/09

I remember we were in our first house in Naples, the one by the Registry Hotel, the pink one. I had recently got a royal blue cast put on my left leg- a full cast- to try and straighten out my leg. Bud, mom, and I were lying in mom and dad's bed reading a book that George O'neil had sent me for my birthday along with one of the mystical creatures in a small statue form. The book had a brown cover with a picture of a mystical world- I believe with a dragon protecting an egg. Mom was in the middle, I was on the left and Bud was on the right. There was a down comforter, with Mom's white lace duvet cover on it, on top of us and we were eating banana popsicles (Publix brand). These were always my favorite treat to have when I wasn't feeling well and so of course mom had stocked up after I got my cast. I remember being extremely uncomfortable, not being able to bend my leg, and I was crying, but mom, like always, knew just how to comfort me with my favorite popsicles and cuddling up in bed with a story.

Keep in mind when reading these that I am writing these memories in a journal, by hand because I feel that writing them by hand provides me with extended time to think through the memories and not have a chance to go back and add or erase since I am writing in pen. I want to see how I remember these experiences without going back to add details that I "forgot". So when I copy them here, I am not making changes from my journal so I apologize if the grammar or sentence structure is not correct, but you know get a sense of how my mind works when I remember the past- Lucky you! ;)

Memory?

"Forgetting, not remembering is the inevitable outcome of all experience."

This is a quote that I got from www. mjt.org/exhibits/delson/oblisci.html describing the theory of Geoffrey Sonnabend.

During my studio time today, I watched the movie "Inhaling the Spore: A Journey through The Museum of Jurassic Technology" and was intrigued by the theories of Geoffrey Sonnabend. He believes that memory is an illusion that we create to overcome the knowledge that time is irreversible stating, " We, amnesiacs all, condemned to live in eternally fleeting present, have created the most elaborate of human constructions, memory, to buffer ourselves against the intolerable knowledge of the irreversible passage of time and the irretrievability of its moments and events." I agree with him. I believe that memory is a compulsory act that we do in order to try to relive our past, but they can never be exactly accurate or as real as the actually moment in time, yet can we stop having memories? I don't think so.

Sonnabend claims that "there is only experience and its decay" which makes complete sense to me and got me started thinking about how much our memories decay through time. I have decided to start recording my memories... writing down the memories that I want to focus on for my project and rewrite them every so often, without reading my previous recollections. After I do this for a few weeks, I plan to go back and compare every recollection and see what stayed the same, what changed, and what got left out of each memory. From there I will continue with the first written recollection of each one, making these the written memories that I will slightly destruct and place in the lockets. As of right now, I think that I want to record these memories through an auditory means and play them during the display of the lockets for the final show. I think it could be interesting for viewers, and invite people to be part of the experience, to play the memories audibly through headphones or some other means while they look at each piece. So for all you readers, I will begin posting my memories this week and then repost the same memories continually there after... feel free to compare and see how they change.

This week has been kind of a whirlwind. After coming out of the "false identity" work atmosphere that we had to do (for those that don't know, we were assigned to go to a thrift store, get something that did not represent ourselves and then make artwork as the person that object represented) I have been trying to focus on what I want to for my final thesis by researching the topics that I am interested in. Specifically education and the mind. I began by researching the various types of learning styles and ways in which teachers accommodate every students way of learning. I started thinking about memory and why we have trouble remembering some things where as others come so easily to us. At this point I started narrowing down my research to memory and how short-term and long-term memory work. I was reading all about these various techniques about how learning groups of numbers in sets of 3 makes it easier to remember when my mind started drifting to my most memorable experiences in life and how through time, the small details get erased until I am left with just a vague picture. I started to get really excited about this concept and how we try so hard to keep our memories safe in permanent containers such as lockets or picture frames but no matter what we do, the memories continue to fade ever so slightly throughout the years. So I came up with this idea to write down my top 20 most memorable times and make a series of lockets that correspond (since small metals is my chosen medium that I feel most comfortable working with at this point in time). I want to try and exaggerate this idea of a fading memory inside a vessel that is so solid. My idea at this time is to create lockets out of metal (each with hints about what my memory is about) and then inside have the written memory on a fading piece of paper that may be stained, torn, smeared.... destruction to the written memory that relates to how our memories become changed throughout the years. And now I am late for class so I will continue writing more soon.

It's freezing in here, but at least this apple is good.

It's been such a long time since I have had an apple this delicious. I can't even write a full sentence without taking a bite.... ok I finished. Now I can write.

So this is the first blog I have ever done. I've never really been that interested in them. I begin reading other peoples, but always forget about them and never go back. (whoops).

The hard part is deciding what to put in a blog (what do other people want to read about me?) but I guess that doesn't really matter much because the point of a blog is to put out into the public what you think is important right? Just write whatever you are feeling and if someone wants to read it, great if not who cares.

And so I begin.... Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and why. Why do I like the things I do, listen to the music on my playlists, create the artwork that comes out of my hands? The mind is such and interesting place to me. How does each individual process the knowledge that everyday life provides them and what will they do with that knowledge. I believe that so much of who we are is dependent on who our family is and the personalities of the people that are around you constantly. We all notice how easily children are influenced by what they hear, see, and encounter in everyday lives... we hear all these sayings about being careful about what you say or do around children, "they are very easily influenced." Yet so are adults. I don't think we ever stop being influenced by our environments. One month I may be interested in doing work based on food, the next month it may be work based on education. I tend to direct my art work and derive inspiration from those I am constantly around but at the same time I feel like I always have this initial basis of who I am that doesn't change so drastically. I am pulled to certain interests because of who I am, but why am I who I am?

This brings me to my intrigue with memories. We all have them and they can be so powerful... like directional stepping stones that provoke us to stay away from certain things or be drawn to others. Yet memories change. I wrote this paper last year about how childhood memories are derived. So many of us have these vivid memories from our childhood that have influenced us in some way or another, but what are these memories. Are they truly what happened from our point of view, or are they composed stories based off the recollections of others, pictures, videos, etc. Do we even have memories that are truly our own? And the best, most vivid memories are usually accompanied by a specific smell, sound, color, or whatever. We have these mnemonic devices that transport us back to the past, allow us to relive past experiences, but just as it is improbable to recollect a story to someone exactly the same way twice, we really never go back to the exact same experience. Our memories are constantly altered by such things as time and memories of others. I would like to do a project about this... the altering of memories as we live our present/future. My project now is deciding how to represent this idea through art, and possibly relating it to my interest in education and teaching (how we tend to remember certain aspects of the school curriculum and forget others.

Well that's all i got for now... more to come soon.